You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
