he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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