I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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