were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
