Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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