guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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