Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
