I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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