you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
