I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
