You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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