Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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