I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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