be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
