where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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