1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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