Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
