I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
