you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
