i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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