Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
