ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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