Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
