doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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