Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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