Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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