If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
