hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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