I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
