wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
