Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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