In the future we'll all be gay
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
