OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
