dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
