I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
