this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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