dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
