I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
