All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
