Pappa wants mamma naked
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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