wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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