Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am spending my child support on dildos
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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