I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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