i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
