Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
