I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
