Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
