I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
