why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
