I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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