john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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