Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
