I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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