Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
