i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
