I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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