If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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