there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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