You just made me feel so damn special
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
