I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
