let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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