Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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