Already got asked if we're dating
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
