hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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