I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize