Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
