I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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