I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
