he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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