Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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