3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
