My hand turned me down
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
