I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
